Looking for love in all the right places?

Hello Everyone,

With Valentine’s Day celebrations , just barely gone , I reckon we all had our doses and potions of love, appreciation care  and affection …

It feels good to be shown all the above , doesn’t it…

Valentine’s day really feels surreal .. I especially recall feeling a flutter in my heart a few days back, when I was doing my weekly grocery shopping… It was then that it  hit me that this is really a big deal…

All around me were dozens of Roses et al, waiting to work their way into someones’s heart , thousands of teddy bears with hear shaped decors, waiting to find their way into someone’s arms, Chocolates, gifts , bottles of wine all silently calling out for passers by to pick them up…

I understand the cynicism some may have towards it ..

However, May I add , that ,in a world that’s  already crying out for Love, if we didn’t have one day to remind us about LOVE , what would become of our Dear Universe?

Amazing isn’t it ? We are all capable of love , and we are all worthy of being loved…

What fuels this Love ? It’s not fabricated , it’s genuine..

Why does it then wither away with time , Why does it all dissipate into nothing , why do we let something so beautiful float away …Why ?

(Phases .. It’s all to do with the phases of life , my head replies…)

I don’t know why … I suppose there are a million reasons why Love once found , becomes Love to be sought…

It’s difficult I imagine , to really understand the real fathomless depth of true love, only to throw it all away….  ,

Whilst reflecting on the above in my quiet moments,  my heart asked me a question…

The pertinent question is…..

When it comes to love ,are we looking in the right places? Are we looking inwards ? Then reflecting it outwards.

Are we looking for appreciation , without first appreciating that one who longs to be be appreciated by us? YOU…

Are we caring for that heart that yearns to be cared for? 

I think of my loved ones and tears fill my eyes…. because I wonder , I really do wonder…

Am I showing them everyday , (not just on Valentine’s day) that I truly and deeply love them with every pore of my being ….

Am I searching the right places ?

I hope we all are, and that we all begin to …

It is my solemn prayer and innermost wish that we all individually and collectively come to a place  of Divine Peace and Love , and as a result, give and receive that Love ,which Mother Earth is so in need of…. Amen, Amen , Amen…

Peace and Love..(with tears in my eyes)

Ral Xxx


Self compassion….

Ever Heard this? …

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF….( What ever happened to the  “Yourself” bit?)…. Anyways…..


Self Compassionate … Are we?

This is a question I ask myself … over and over ..

I guess I’ll always do…Now that I’ve  discovered the benefits of taking a rain check on our self compassion meter..

It really is very easy to be compassionate towards others …Isn’t it?

…Oh it comes naturally …I hear you say …
…Oh it’s easy for me .. others say…
…Isn’t that the natural order of the heart? .. Some ask..

Is it possible to be truly compassionate without being compassionate to ME  first.

Think about this….

Try making the mistake of making a slight nick to your finger whilst chopping vegetables…. and tell me that you don’t curse yourself through the pain .. telling yourself how silly you were to have let your concentration slip for a moment…

Now Turn the tables and let that person in the picture be your little one… or a friend ,  or even  a stranger … What would be your natural predisposition?…

There are so many ways in which compassion to others  comes so naturally and automatic to our very nature.. .. Robotic even…It is a very good thing , don’t get me wrong …

However, when the tables are turned inwards , we often feel it’s undeserving of us … We rarely give us a chance to feel the comfort that comes from within…

I hear the inner critic say the following

1.It’s my fault .. I should’ve been more careful… so don’t deserve any compassion

2.I deserve this pain, how could I  have been so careless?

3.If only I’d listened , I wouldn’t have been where I am now…. That’s what you get for not listening ….

On and on it goes…

.. And the light slowly but surely gets dimmer….

The very one who needs the most attention , becomes neglected, discarded, uncared for, rejected, disregarded… and what do we get in return ?  Self Alienation … Self Loathe .. and downward goes the spiral…

Tell you what…

My understanding is this.. the only way we can come to know, and breathe compassion in it’s purest form is by showing ourselves the same compassion…..

How about saying(to us) the same things you’d say to your little 5 year old when he’s hurt a toe?… How about offering ourselves the empathy we naturally offer others when we feel their sorrow? …

I am not Nobody, I am Me.. Human , same emotions that others have …

So, Why does it feel unjustifiable to offer Me Compassion??

Have we somehow, been conditioned to regard it as conceit? Maybe …But I say not .. It’s very far from Conceit…..Or have we simply forgotten how to care for ME? ..Possibly …

Offer your heart what it needs … Love and compassion from YOU … You OWN It

As we are urged to be our brothers keepers, May we remember to be our Hearts’ Keepers…

Our Hearts only lead us down a certain path …..JOY… Yes, JOY .. have you found her/him?

As we set about implementing our New Year Resolutions , may we remember to practice a little bit of self compassion if we can….

I’m certainly no expert… but I’m an eager neophyte ready to explore this journey of SELF COMPASSION…

May the masters of self compassion remain true to it. May the neophytes remain steadfast , and may those who have just come across it adopt it

Let’s do this People…

Remember this?


One Love ..


Ral Xxx

Here I am again..

I’ve been away far too long and today a heartfelt decision has been made to return me to me!!!

My head has been in control far too long ….It really has…

I feel I’ve given my head enough time to be in charge so let heart intelligence take over …

I leave myself open for my heart to lead and my gut intelligence to support .

Not forgetting to address the concerns of my head intelligence, because it sure gives out valid reasons for holding back ….

I’m reassured by the comfort and the warmth that wholeheartedness brings,

Yet apprehensive of the warning signs and factual evidence that my “head-fullness” offers….

All in all within my core , my gut will always support me….

I leave myself open to receive the goodness from the soft whisperings of all the elements ….

Because I am here with all the elements … Here I am again….

Peace …
One Love ….
Ral Xxx

Who am I?

When you look in the mirror who do you see?

What do you see?

I’m asking myself , and I’m asking you……

Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are we?

These are questions that were asked of me years ago,and it served as a kickstart to my relentless journey on self re-discovery…..

These same questions I ask my family, friends ,colleagues and patients…Always whenever anyone cares to share their thoughts…..

It’s so difficult to stop and ask ourselves very pertinent questions, because we are most often scared of the answers …

This is because we have the solutions deep within us, but the actions which should follow could shake our very core…..and that is the very thing we fear….

In this constantly fast paced world, the most common jeopardy we face, is that of Self Alienation!!!

Self Alienation because we are constantly plagued by the restrictions placed on us by society to conform to rules

Self Alienation because we are constantly striving to live some other life carved out for us by our religious and cultural shaping…..

Self Alienation because any attempt at going contrary to the norm is largely frowned upon , … and as no man wants to be an island we quickly conform to the expected…..

Self Alienation because it is a daily struggle to align our selves with our truest , purest , most authentic  Selves….

Self Alienation because when the real me wants to BE , I shut it down because of Shame , fear , guilt, perceived failure…… What will they think of me? I say very quietly to myself……

Self Alienation because we feel so constrained and too weak to fight for what we believe in …..

Self Alienation because we choose not to embrace and cradle our perceived weaknesses for fear of being ridiculed….

Self Alienation because what we feel, think , and dream of, in the innermost recesses of our beings , always remain hidden … Out of sight …No one will ever know.. It’s simpler that way…

Self Alienation because what the world expects of us, is truly not what we want to be…..

Self Alienation because what you truly Crave is Forbidden…….Not acceptable to society….

Self Alienation because we live by rules set by others, rules set by the world , rather than living  from a place within us.. Our Hearts….

The reasons go on and on , but the important bit is this…..

Who do we want to be on our dying beds? What  would we like to say about the lives we’ve lived , when the end is nigh ? What if there was no heaven or hell, and THIS IS IT?

Who are you ? …Most Importantly….If there was no guilt, shame , fear, or any limiting emotion, What and Who would you be?

Always so much love from me…..

RaL …..



Fear … the limiting Illusion

Dear People …..

I haven’t been here in ages…. so many reasons why…… one of them being the subject of “Fear”………

I’ve been plagued by this for years ….. This is my quest to come out of the dark and embrace fear ….

I’ll just want to introduce the topic with questions on my mind…

What is fear?
Why do we have fear in our lives?
What do we fear?
Who do we fear?
What is the purpose of fear?
What have we learnt from fear?
Are we willing to turn fear around?
Could we be blessed by fear?

It’s obvious that FEAR is playing on my mind tonight…… I’m determined to use it as a learning curve.

Perhaps the first step to overcoming our fears is to consider the questions above…..Mulling the answers over and over … Then we may be able to start the process of confronting and embracing our fears …

Peace and One love , as we start this process….

Love Always Xxx


Musings from the Heart…….

I’ve come to realise that….

LIFE is never guaranteed, however when you have life, LIVING IS …..

So, let us..

LIVE life to the fullest, in all it’s riches….

LOVE , like we have nothing else to live for but , love…..

LAUGH, always, from every pore of our beings…..

LEARN, at every opportunity we can , because therein ,we realise our full and true potentials

Most of All……

May we NEVER LIMIT OURSELVES, because life is limitless and filled with limitless goodness , enough for us all to LIVE ……..

One Love Xxx


…On Living and Loving

It’s all about Living…..through the eyes of one who’s experienced similar emotions, as you have ..

It’s all about Giving….. that much sought after attention to ourselves,we often ignore….. very much through the life experiences of one who’s trying ……..

It’s all about Loving……. in the words of one who’s beginning to understand that it begins with ourselves….

It’s all about Being…..through the voice of one who’s beginning to enjoy the benefits of just being ME/YOU…..

It’s all about US…..Uniting to have a Say, Unified to Stand-out, Unified to Shine….US……….

May we always remember that it starts within US…..

There is Life and Love within us, if we but look inwards…

One Love….


Random acts of Kindness


I’ve chosen to talk about this , because sometimes, it may feel like  Life is filled with memories of our darkest hours and loneliest nights.It may feel like not much good comes from the world, anyway, so why bother…

On the contrary, very much good comes from the Universe, and in our pursuit of the things which we feel may bring us happiness,we often miss this goodness.

This goodness is very much within and around us, and it is etched deep within the stories of our lives….

Instances when we’ve been touched by the purest form of love from someone  or something, could often take the back stage, as we meander our ways through life.

One such moment for me, was about 13 years ago,on my way back  to Medical school. For those of us who have no idea about the location , never mind. It is inconsequential in the scheme of things, what is useful is the message..

On this journey I met a Lady, called Peace. She was very chatty and full of life and was sat next to me. She would go on and on about varied topics and get me very involved , and as she was sat next to me, I had no choice but to join in.

What was really intriguing was her zest for life. We were both in our respective universities and enrolled into different courses, but we had a common ground.Music!(that’s another topic for discussion)

She began by telling  me how she’d started her  musical journey , from sending her demos to different producers, to finally landing a recording deal.At the time, She was on the verge of releasing her first gospel music album.This journey was the culmination of a pre-release meeting with her Producer.

Often times during the journey , I would inwardly crave some silence , but she wouldn’t have any of it! She kept me entertained with her endless stories..

Then the real journey started… our vehicle had a breakdown and we waited hours while it underwent repairs. We then re-started our journey , only to have another breakdown shortly after.

It was getting rather late at this point, and I was getting worried thinking about the second leg of my journey , from Port Harcourt to Aba.

We again re-started our journey, only to be met with yet another breakdown! At this point I was getting very frantic.

What I noticed about Peace , was that, she never complained. She kept smiling and chatting all the way , she kept trying to put me at ease, and she remained positive all the way, never giving in to deflation.

We eventually got to the city of Port-Harcourt in the dead of the night, and I was the only passenger who had another journey to make, giving the driver a reason to blatantly refuse making the follow on journey.

I was on the verge of breaking down into panic/screaming mode, when I felt a hand on my shoulder ! It was Peace and she said o me .. Ral, listen to me. Don’t waste your breath and your peace! Look around you, it is pitch dark , I will not let you make this second journey into Aba. You may not have known me, nor I you, prior to this journey, but I know you now, and you know me now.Come and have a rest in my place and first thing tomorrow morning, you can re-commence your journey.

I took that with some trepidation and realised that I had very little,(if any at all) choice left. With our bags on our backs we journeyed on to Peace’s “self contained” room.

She made me feel ever so comfortable, and gave up her tiny bed for me. I must say that I did sleep with one eye open , because, it was most unusual to experience this sort of kindness. We’d always heard of people being exploited by others and as such, had to be wary of exceptional kindness from strangers.

The next morning,When I woke up, a bucket of warm water was ready in the bathroom for me to wash with,and she  was happily making our breakfast, yet still remaining her chirpy self. Seeing her all smiles, no one would have guessed that She’d slept on the hard floor all night.She’d given up her bed for a stranger, yet was never resentful!

We ate breakfast together, and She saw me off to the transport station , before heading off for her lectures.We exchanged numbers and I thanked her immensely for her kindness. We said we would keep in touch , but never did , as life events overtook us…

Many years have gone by,I have my own life and I’m sure she has her’s too….. I’ve searched the internet countless times looking for a Nigerian gospel artist named Peace, but either found many faces that I’ve been unable to recognise or found none at all.

Today I’m sending positive thoughts to Peace, My Family, My friends wherever they may be, My neighbours ,Acquaintances, colleagues , everyone that has crossed my path at some point or the other in life…..May the Peace of the Universe continually be with Peace and all of us….

I’ve met loads of people on my journey through life , who have had an amazing impact on me. No matter how little you may think your words, acts , and thoughts were or are, they have been overtly special to me, and you all know who you are. It’s all of you!

If You’ve never heard the words “Thank You” from me , I’m saying it now. Thank You!

I’m most grateful for having met all the people who are part of my life currently, have been part of it in the past,  and those I’m yet to come in contact with . It doesn’t matter when, or whether we are still in touch.

All that matters is that we met and  I’m immensely grateful for all the experience

When we have a chance to take a pause and reflect, we may find many instances in our lives when we’ve been touched by a stranger , even for just one fleeting moment.

It would be lovely to think of someone unexpected, who’s done something unexpected for us, and notice that warmth and smile creep up on our faces.

It may be as simple as another driver letting you get onto the main road from a corner street, having waited ages for a chance….It may be a stranger on a train getting up for you to sit down, because you’re too heavily pregnant to remain standing and it actually shows….. It may be a stranger helping you with your luggage because he/she noticed that it was a tad too heavy for your frame….It may be a driver cheering you on from his car whilst you’re panting and heaving, trying to complete your 5k morning runs……….the list goes on and on …..

Let us be grateful for the “PEACE’s” in our lives….

Once again,wishing us all a fantastic week….

One Love….

Ral ….